When Faith doesn’t seem to make the mountain move…

“He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.””

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭17‬:‭20‬ ‭NIV‬‬

This week has been hard as I’ve watched people I love lose someone they love or watch others sit in a hospital hoping for a miracle to only see things get worse. These past couple of weeks I’ve spent praying for miracles and believing God can do it because I’ve seen Him do it before. Yet, in one life He didn’t choose to do the miracle and in the other He still hasn’t. If I sit with the honest emotions stirring in my heart, then I see I have a lot of questions. Lingering questions that say but why not this time God? Why not move the mountain? Why not do a miracle?

Why not this time?

Questions the Christian world has told me to be ashamed of.

A little background about me is that growing up I’d say I’ve been someone the Lord has naturally ingrained with hope. It’s almost as if He etched it onto the most intricate details of my heart. And as hope is one of my greatest blessings it has also been one of my biggest challenges. One the Lord knows quite well.

“Hope deferred makes the heart grow sick…” proverbs 13:12a

And my heart has grown sick many many of times. The first time I recall a sickness in my heart was at the age of 13.

My aunt was diagnosed with cancer and my heart was dead set that the Lord could heal her. I never questioned it, I never doubted it, and I for certain believed it to be true. A year later into the fight things quickly started to get worse and still I held to the hope in the ability of my God. As she entered Hospice even still I prayed for a miracle. Then as March rolled in I stood across the room with my family surrounding her and went numb as I watched her breathe out her last breath. Even still I can’t quite explain the sickness I felt in my heart. Devastated by a desire left empty, and a mountain, I believed my God could move, yet He didn't.

Faith can move mountains… a thought of sarcasm trickled in my mind and was met by  the lonesome world of despair. Leading to a plague of shame for ever questioning God. Shame that caused me to fall silent to God and direct every negative thought toward myself.

Was my faith not enough? Did I not pray hard enough? Did I hold too much doubt in the intimate places of my thoughts? Questions that ran rampant as miracles were asked for but outcomes were desolate.

As life continued with a long series of heartbreaking events, my heart eventually gave up on hope. Replacing hope with a silent doubt that my good Father didn’t want good things for me at all. Ashamed of this thought, I hid it and I just stopped talking to Him all together. Nothing was good, nothing was hopeful, and nothing mattered anymore. But God wasn't done.

“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭27‬:‭13‬-‭14‬ ‭NIV‬‬

So what does it mean when faith doesn’t seem to make the mountain move?

It means God is not finished yet. It means remembering that death and pain do not have the final word. It means we are not God and we could not fathom the understanding and wisdom He holds.

So what do we do?

We wait to see what He will do next, and we ask Him to open our eyes to see his hand in the midst.

We grieve. We question. We get angry. And we do all this while seeking and talking to God. A God that is near and a God that can carry the weight of your grief because He too has felt the ultimate sting of death. He too asked for a miracle for another way than the cross. Yet He took up the cross so that we might receive Him and have everlasting life.

I know all too well that sometimes it feels like God has left, but He hasn’t. He is right there and He is still good. Shout to Him and ask Him your questions of doubt. He longs to hear your most vulnerable and intimate thoughts. He longs to comfort you as you question life and as you question Him. And He longs to remind you that He too hates evil. He too hates death. He too hates the pain found in the hearts of His most beloved. He too feels grief.

I don’t know why faith doesn’t move every mountain, but I do know that faith still will.

And I do know we have a good God that does beautiful, amazing, and crazy things. Not just in grand miracles but even in the beautiful meticulous pieces of life.

Faith does move mountains. So pray boldly and audaciously being filled with hope. For hope does not go to waste. And remember that even if not, cling to the one hope that our God is always good, always kind, and always merciful. Believe He is because He has first felt the deepest depths of pain.

Then remember that one day as we sit at the wedding feast when Christ returns, pain will no longer matter because it won't exist.

And our faith really will have moved the largest mountain because God's faithfulness was rooted from the beginning to the end.

So when faith doesn't seem to make the mountain move... wait on God.

You will see His goodness in the land of the living and that I can promise.

Tabitha Kerr

February 16, 2024