For the christian feeling disconnected…

“Speak up, you never share your thoughts”

“Stop talking, you don’t listen enough”

“It’s good to have a conviction to hold to”

“You hold too tight to things you don’t know”

The thoughts that often linger within my mind.

Admittedly so I have had a difficult time fitting in with the world. Even before I was living a life dedicated to the Lord, I never felt a true belonging. In moments I’d feel understood and comforted and yet those times came as quickly as they left.

If you’ve been around me then you’ve heard me say “I just go to extremes, I can recognize that.” But I’m recognizing that’s a lie. I don’t go to extremes, but I will say I may seem as if I have because my past pride tells me to stay agreeable and nod my head. So, when I finally admit where my true convictions lie, it might come as a shock.

Maybe you too have struggled in this way?

If I must be rebuked then rebuke me for the deception I had allow to cultivate in my mind. Rebuke me for my past and the way I never spoke up, or ever had a meaningful thing to say. Rebuke for when my mind trickles back to fear and trembling of the thoughts of the people around me. If you rebuke me, which to my friends I pray you do, then rebuke me for this.

As I grow in relation to my Father I find I feel at times more disconnected from the world. I find people stare at me with glazed eyes and hardened states. I find the words that I am convicted by aren’t digestible to most, but oh how sweet it is to find a kindred soul. A soul longing for the depths and heights of a Kingdom that has every unthinkable and unimaginable dream all wrapped in His throne. A soul longing to see truth, despite the flesh, despite the hurt, despite the world.

Maybe I don’t feel connected all the time and maybe you don’t either. But man, what a peace it is to delight in the Father as He delights in you. Maybe peace is not the echo of your days, as you stand before others proclaiming the truth in discomfort for the sake of God’s word. Oh, but what reward you will have when you stand before the King of Kings at His throne.

Holy and set apart you are. Refined and ablaze you are. Good and faithful you are.

And not because you are but because you know you are not and yet you know God is.

““ ‘Consecrate yourselves and be holy, because I am the Lord your God. Keep my decrees and follow them. I am the Lord, who makes you holy.”

‭‭Leviticus‬ ‭20‬:‭7‬-‭8‬ ‭NIV‬‬

The laws were extreme. The Israelites were extreme. The faithful priests, the faithful prophets, the faithful kings were all extreme.

And in the extreme they saw an extreme God do extreme things.

So, my friend, you may feel disconnected from the world but oh how connected you are to the King.

Tabitha Kerr

February 18th, 2024