Does God call us to Singleness? Part 2
In the course of my life I have become aware of two extreme views in regards to singleness. One extreme that has idolized the life of being a strong independent woman, or man, that tends to come with a life in pursuit of singleness. Then the opposing view that seeks the idolization of marriage, one that often says I am not enough because this desire is still unfulfilled. Both extremes ultimately are unfulfilling because both extremes will lead us away from the Father. Both are products of a life lived in deception, in which, the Father can not speak because we no longer know what truth sounds like; what He sounds like.
One thing to note about me is that for most of my life I was mostly comforted by the side of the spectrum that said, I am completely okay to never get married. I was okay with not dating. I was okay with a life content in being by myself. I was okay because I felt that life was easier apart from struggling to figure out how to be in a relationship with anyone else... let alone a man.
What I've realized in my years of pursuing God is that this is not what the Lord has planned for my life. I know many others have a personalized and unique perspective to this area of their life, but this is mine.
My hope is that you hear my heart behind my first blog on this topic. My hope is that you know that my intent was and never will be to diminish singleness. My heart was only that you see that it is okay to desire marriage and that is a good and Godly thing to place hope in. While we always should take caution to not let it become the resting place of our worth. That resting place is only found in the arms of our Father, who amongst varying beliefs, I believe, still presently speaks to His beloved children to guide and direct them in life.
So let’s continue, Does God call us to singleness?
While I still believe the Lord does not call many to singleness, I do believe He does call some. He calls some because the purest and deepest yearning of their heart is only found in moving and going and building up the church; building it in such a way that it can not be accomplished with any other distraction at hand. No, they are not holier than those who are married, but they do have a different call on their life. A call from God that needs for them to be completely undivided in priority and pursuit of the church. Maybe these individuals at somepoint desired marriage, maybe they didn't, and maybe some still do. And if they do, then I believe, they are on their way to finding the greatest peace because of their heart that lives to sacrifice for the sake of the Gospel. And that is a beautiful and honoring thing.
Maybe you're single and you're happy to continue to be single because you are unbothered. And maybe you even have experienced a relationship and it revealed the worst parts of yourself that you didn't like. From there you decided it would be easier and much more appealing to do life alone without a man or woman to priortitize next to it. You're thankful now that you are single, but maybe that is not what the Lord has asked you to pursue. I don't know your story, but I know your current situation does not determine life's end result.
Your current circumstance of dating or singleness does not determine which the Lord has for your beautiful life ahead. If you want to know how you know which to prepare for, Seek God.
When you seek God, you will find that your heart begins to align with the desires of His heart and not your own (Psalm 37:4, 1 John 5:14).
So, if singleness is not a calling for most, how should we view the dreaded word?
A man I highly respect, Mike Heinz, messaged me with the reminder that singleness is a gift.
“Singleness gives us unhindered/ undistracted/ unfettered devotion to the work of the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:32-34)."
This statement alone is beautifully crafted.
So in my pursuit to acknowledge the gift of marriage, please do not hear me diminish the beautiful gift of singleness. I can not and I will not. I can clearly see in my own life the beauty and wonders the Lord has done in and through my life. Wonders that would not have been possible if I was married. In singleness He has gifted me years of learning to seek Him first. In singleness He has gifted me years of learning to hear His voice first and amongst everything else. In singleness He has taught me that He alone is the only one who can satisfy every need that I have. In singleness He has taught me what love truly is, unconditional and steady, even when I am not.
In singleness He has taught me to seek Him with all my heart so that I might live a life rigtheous before His eyes. A life righteous enough to pray and intercede for the world I am in and know, without doubt, that my Father hears me and answers me because He loves me.
“Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God; and whatever we ask we receive from him, because we keep his commandments and do what pleases him.”
1 John 3:21-22 ESV
What I realized is this isn’t an argument anyone can win. Does the Lord gift us with marriage or gift us with singleness? The answer is yes. Does He give a guided outline on what that looks like and what we should tell others to cling to and believe? No, that is a search left to each individual's own pursuit of knowing and trusting in the will of the Father.
So yes, singleness can be a call for some, but for most of us who are not called, it is a season of life to be cherished as a gift.
I leave you with words of wisdom...
"Singleness gives us unhindered/ undistracted/ unfettered devotion to the work of the Lord."
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