A Symphony of Sorrow

"To be in tune with pain is dramatic"

The words that plague my mind as I attempt to escape the pain I feel inside. The mind numbing voidless pain that weighs as a 1000 pound force agaisnt my brittled soul within.

A weight that soon turned to pattern and now holds the personality of a cyclical cynic bound to nothing but the abyss. Silent but present, waiting to be called upon at the reoccurence of a painstaking rejection. Sending messages that say;

"Youre not good enough."

"You didn't do enough"

"You will never be enough"

Knowing not even a bestfriend could truly desire to spend an eternity with you.

Tragic yet tangibly true.

Provocatively repeating, you'll never be enough.

Yet, somehow, I believe there is something more.

By the grace of God, there has to be something more.

This I believe to be true.

Loveless I may find the world, yet completely loved am I.

Empty I may experience the world, yet full am I in Christ.

Rejected in every regard, yet accepted at the very core of who I am.

Pain comes and goes.

Happiness comes and goes.

My hope, oh how it will remain in my God, the God who is my eternal life.

My greatest love, my greatest friend, my only steady joy.

Though my mind and soul may rebuke my own self,

My salvation, this I know to hold fast to.

Allowing me to be in tune with this gift of life, oh what a joy I can not escape.

"O Lord, My heart is not lifted up;

my eyes are not raised too high;

I do not occupy myself with things

too great and too marvelous for me.

But I have calmed and quieted my soul,

like a weened child with its mother;

like a weaned child is my soul within me.

O Israel, hope in the Lord

from this time forth and

forevermore."

Psalm 131